A day well spent...

Yesterday was a day well spent..away from the monotonous routine of going to the lab, complaining about the heat, fussing about the food, and orkutting.. We, a group of 12 girls(Shruti, Shanthi, Rigveda, Richa, Aditi, Tanvi, Nadu, Praneetha, Anusha, Vandana, Bushra and myself)went to the Shonku Water Park yesterday and trust me, had real good fun. The heat was scorching but the water was cool and our minds were merry. The only bad thing about the entire trip was that Shruti took ill and had to remain in the first aid room for most of the time. We even befriended a few kids. I was shocked by a certain breed of parents who simply forgot about their tiny kids at the mere sight of the rides. I and Shanthi spent almost half an hour looking after some of them. Ruggu hurt herself at one of the slides, but if you think that could have prevented her from enjoying herself at the other rides, you don't know ruggu at all!! Well, all in all it was fun. I especially enjoyed myself at the kids' zone where you have this big plastic house wid huge showers...Shanthi and I loved the ride wid the tube boat kind of a thing. It was simply awesome(actually it felt much safer wid something to hold onto :))Even i did not escape unhurt. I banged my head twice against a slide because my hands simply refused to be in the position they should have been!! Finally the clock struck five, and the water park came to a standstill. With some great memories, we bid this place good bye. I dont even remember what happened after I boarded the jeep for the return journey because I slept off...

PS: One of our greatest regrets will remain that we could not manage snaps of this trip.:(

India in the World Cup

Like all Indians, I was shocked and horrified at India's loss against Bangladesh and finally its dismal and "early" exit from the world cup. Team India did let us down. No doubts about it. But I think the people who think that they should avenge this defeat by targeting the Indian cricketers and their families are worse. If we idolise these cricketers (when they win anything, against anyone.. ) and grant them a semi god status because of the victories, we should have the courage to accept them in their defeats as well. One thing that I feel, we Indians as a species seriously lack, is constructive criticism. We go overboard while praising our idols but when our idols of worship fail to live up to our unrealistic expectations, we almost always tend to subject them to inhuman cruelty. I agree, our country spends like crores of rupees on these people, I also agree that each of these cricketers has become millionaires and they earn more money than an ordinary person does in his entire lifetime(even when they lose matches). But we must also realise that it is "us" who are responsible for this. Kids, teenagers, adults ...almost everybody love the brands that our cricketers go for. All of us live the moment vicariously when these people get us glories, then why can't we be sensible enough to stick to constructive criticism and do something about improving the state of affairs rather than churn out stories for news channels by painting these people's houses black or such other acts of cowardice.

BTW I really liked this article by Ranabir Majumdar on NDTV.
http://www.ndtv.com/debate/showdebate.asp?show=1&story_id=243&template=&category=Sports

The best days of my life...

It has been nearly four years since our batch arrived at DA-IICT. These years have been a mixed bag for almost everyone.(apologies to those offended by the generalisation..)Winning and Losing, Good grades and Bad grades, Friends and Not so friendly mates, Good proffs and Bad proffs, Vela time and Exam time, Bakar time and Project submission time, Good food and Baddd food..the list is endless. Looking back, I think even the most insensitive ones' amongst us shall feel nostalgic. (I know many might not agree but I am sure about this!!)Many of us had their first night outs here, many of us were away from their parents for the first time,many of us made their beds by themsleves for the first time here,many of us washed their clothes for the first time(and realised that "some" coloured clothes are not to be washed with others), many of us were ragged for the first time, many of us got an "F" for the first time....many of us had their first dates here :); in fact most of us had our many firsts here. Some got hooked to "Friends"(the series!!), some got hooked to games, some mastered the art of bakar and some found solace in the nearby galla. But whatever it is, looking back, everything was so fun. Even flunking in some subjects was fun(read: AIS). Bunking lectures became regular by the middle of the first semester, and almost all of us were against the proffs who took attendance.(They infringe on our new found freedom!!)With passing time, different friend circles evolved, got intermixed and separated as well. We got used to having Brajwashi food but always craved for something better. We became efficient in finishing our projects at the nth time, and in giving proxies , giving that 1 ring missed call(I am almost acclaimed for doing that, ask prachita) and soo much more.I bet none of us can ever forget our rural internships... I know I am being totally incoherent in what I am writing and I have lost lucidity right from the start, but I can't help it. This blog is and shall remain one of the closest to my heart. I can't help but type almost everything that is coming to my mind...As I write I am constantly reminded of the fact that I have just 1 and a half months left here and I can't feel nostalgic. Thank you DA-IICT, for all that you have given to us. My best four years of life have been here, no matter what I have lost, no matter what I have missed.

Rejections and a thing called "hope"

"Sorry you are rejected". For the upteenth time. The year 2007 has proved to be disappointing till now, in fact very depressing. Wherever my hopes were pitched, I was shown the door. These rejections have tried me to the extent that I do not feel the pain any longer. All I know is that a void has been created (atleast for some time) and that I am trying to fill this void by keeping myself occupied in various things. I look around and I know that I am not the only unfortunate one. In fact there are people who are better than me and who have missed the bus to their dream collges. Do I call life "unfair" because of this? Of course not. Because I believe that at the end of the road, there still lies success. But in order to taste it sweetness, I have to strive hard. and Harder. Till then the light of hope is all I have.

A matter of shame

"Very unfortunate" the only thing that comes to my mind when I think of a story narrated by a friend. I narrated the same to my romm mate yesterday and she did not have a different view as well. Well, the story is about my friend's(let us call him Mr. X) friend(let's call him the Mr Antagonist). Now Mr. Antagonist belongs to a family where sons and daughters are married off quite early.Since his family feels that he has come of marriagable age, he has started getting offers(they make it sound like lucrative "job offers"!!) from "good families"(read: wealthy and high caste). The best offer till then with him was from a family which promised him to sponser his studies abroad on the condition that he get engaged to the girl prior to both of their leaving for abroad(wow!!what a settlement). Had I been a boy and had I been made such a offer, I know I would have been shamed. I would have confronted anyone who would even dare to make such an offer.But to my horror and dismay, our protagonist, Mr Antagonist is elated.In fact he is quite excited about the deal(Let me be rude..). I call this highly unfortunate. Before anybody gets me wrong I am not a feminist. I believe in humanity. For me my self respect is the most precious thing I have. And I feel that even by thinking of accepting such an offer and narrating this to someone, Mr Antagonist is losing his. What good was his expensive education if it could not make him sensible and honorable enough to shun such practises. I feel sorry for the girl as well. Everything might spring out of a wedlock like this but true love. I am not against these people but I disregard such kind of mentality especially from people who have recieved education from the best of schools and colleges. It is nothing but, a matter of shame.

Hmm

I found this on a friend's blog..Found it to be pretty.

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The world we live in

Its Thursday morning and since I had a class at 8:30, woke up early. Decided to do use my time and started on with my usual dose of orkut, mails and newspapers. On Orkut, I noticed quite a lot of forwarded messages which claimed to be collecting money for people suffering from some ailment. Though for a split second, I think of hitting the forward button, I end up dumping such messages in the trash. Then I move on to ndtv.com and there I notice this photograph and I am reminded of a similar child about whom I read in one of such forwarded messages. We live in a strange world- where you'll have people who spend billions of dollars on their birthday bashes or marriage parties sharing the same anatomy with people who cannot even afford two square meals a day. Hearing of such cases, especially where a child is combatting some fatal disease and it is refused treatment on financial grounds, affects me deeply. And more so because I know even if I could do something about it, I am not. In fact we have become so insensitive that when we even read such newspaper clippings or get such forwards, we either consider to be fraud or think ourselves incapable of doing anything. The fact there were, are and wil be certain fraud cases cannot be denied, but I feel that weshould not shrug from extending whatever liitle help we can towards such causes for fear of its misutilisation. We never know when we shall lose the genuine opportunity to help somebody in need because of such paranoia.

Tit bits..

The media has come to believe that people do not want to read anything which makes them think. Today, the print media is suffering from a mad disease which has played havoc with our newspapers. It is "the tabloid syndrome." You open any paper in the morning, and the pages are full of pictures of young models and actors in various stages of dishabille. There are pages and pages on these models, supermodels, actors and designers — people you have not even heard the names of — garnished with "information" on what they love to eat, what kind of dress they like best, what they do when they relax, what they think of love and sex and such trivia. The special city pages of the papers look like a cross between a cheap fashion journal and a puerile film magazine, full of gossip and crude colour pictures.

A newspaper is not a dustbin for dumping drivel, film gossip and crime. It must have news. It must have information. It must educate the public about events with background information and editorial comments. One of the reasons why the press has deteriorated is: people who run the newspapers in our country now think that a newspaper is just like any other commodity. It should be nicely packaged, because their idea of "nice packaging" means filling the papers with semi-nude colour pictures of models and actresses and trash.

This shallow, unthinking attitude gets reflected even in the news stories and articles that are printed in the papers. Reporters do not always cross-check the information they get. They often write one-sided versions of events and about people who do not matter — absolute non-entities. Often good stories are not followed up properly. Even factual information given in a newspaper is at times incorrect.

-------Kuldip Nayar on Sify.com

Random ramblings..

Well watched 2001-A Space Odyssey yesterday. Space has always fascinated me and I simply loved my trips to the planetoriums at childhood, so I thought this movie would be an enjoyable experience. The movie begins by showing some splendid photographs of the sunrise and the sunset. The next thing that we see are animals looking like something between apes and humans together with pigs eat some green plants. The kind of eveolution that is shown is undoubtdley good..I mean how one tribe of apes master the art of using bones of other animals for hunting and fighting. Then all of a sudden a black monolith appears and the next thing you see is, man has moved on to outer space. And then follows the discovery of a similar black monolith in the moon. Somehow I feel for someone who is watching the movie for the first time, this is the point where we get lost. It is difficult to understand the significance of the appearance (or rather the discovery) of the black monolith on the moon and then the travel of another lot of astronauts to Jupiter. The concept of a super computer HAL 9000 going faulty and its being able to destroy the lives of all but one astronaut, again raises the same cliched question of how far machines can be trusted..The movie ends with the appearance of the black monolith again on the jupiter and the transformation of the alive astronaut into a baby still in the womb but capapble of viewing the universe at its entirety does confound the viewers. The movie does become slow at times and I shall be a big cine hypocrite if I do not admit that I did got bored at times because of the pace of the movie. But yes I feel that these kind of movies cannot be enjoyed at the first time. Probably if I watch it again or even as I ponder and try to think about the movie, I can atleast connect the parts of the movie. In the end not such a bad experience over all..even though it could not give me the kind of thrill a planetorium experience does!!

A lonely start..

Was felling unusually low today so thought shoudl be writing something...I woke up today morning and decided to start preparing for the mba entrance exams again..Started wid some verbal..Am doing not bad..I was never bad at verbal atleast.(jus that I have screwed them up in CAT and XAT) It's real hard on anyone to start afresh with something. Things keep on coming back to your mind.What if you had got this one correct, things might have been different..What if you had got 1 more mark.. To say the least it is very depressing. But then brighter things might be at the far end and there is always hope that they are. So I carry on..wid a heavy heart though.Well right now have to do some BTP related work, but think will have a quick nap for half an hour or so. (I woke up early today ...) Just hope I do not lose sight of my goal..The rest shall follow. Read The Secret of the Cemetry by Satyajit Ray.Everytime I read his Feluda novels, I feel the story has woven after the end had been decided. In all I do not find his books very satisfying(maybe because they r meant for kids and not for 20+ olds like me!!) but I do enjoy his movies. Talking about movies, every newspaper, newschannel seems to have nothing better to report than talk about Nishabd.(After Ash-Abhi nupitals thing this seems to be the major hit for them!!) Jia Khan is being termed as the big B's girl and they are analysing her from tip to toe, people in Alahabad are suggesting that Big B should voluntarily resign from the industry..CRAP..Everybody knows all these are nothing but means of achieving publicity for movies like this. But atleast we can expect better from news channels and newspapers than this..or can't we?

Why MBA?

Why MBA?
Hah..For preparing for my gd/pi, I have made numerous attempts to answer this sensibly. But I have never been able to express what actually motivates me. My answers never came close to the actual reason behind my wanting to do an MBA. Because I could not articulate it. Or maybe because I knew it was too trivial to be even accepted by anybody. Well since here I can write without fearing anything I shall write it the way it actually is. I feel with the kind of technical aptitude I have, I can do ok types with my current job. But I can never excel. Because I am not gr8 at this. But I know if it comes to presenting things before people or managing stuff, I can hope to excel. This is because I have forever seen myself this way. And I love doing the kind of studies involved in such courses..And I know I can think of such things without getting stressed out or bored. I can work on presentations for hrs at end and still love to do some more..I remeber working on my EBM, ITM projects and I know how happy and confident I was..It is this why I wnat to an MBA..Because I know I can make my name there..I just want to do soemthing which I am good at..But who is gonna accept this..So I reframe my answers..rewrite .practise them with the occassional aahhs..to make the answers look natural..And as long as I get through I do not mind the acting as well...

phew!!!

There are some times in your life where you actually are at a loss to comprehend yourself. I am going through one of those times. After faring badly in the entrance exams for the colleges that mattered, I have very little choice other than take up my job. Not that there is anything wrong in taking up the job I have got, but somehow I am apprehensive about what wil happen after that. I have always wanted to be successful in whatever I do, and I feel that I shall fare better in the managerial side of an organisation rather than being entirley in the technical part. And I also know that if I am to get the kind of job I want, I shall have to pass out from a top notch B-school. As much as I think about this the more confounded I become. Well the rational mind asks me not to worry and give my hundred percent to whatever I am doing right now, but all this anticipation is meddling with my mind and not letting my mind at peace. Sheesh...that is why I am writing all this here..so that I can atleast articulate my thoughts and by jove it helps..I know I can't undo whatever part I do not like in the past, but yes I can frame my future and I shall. Lets hope for the best...:)

Life is so strange, and right now I fnd it amusingly funny. This when I do not have much reason to smile. Ironic, well it's life after all that we are talking about..

Well for anyone who feels totally lost, let me give u a brief background to the above. Being in the final year of engg, placed at Infy, I harboured the aspiration of getting into one of the good management colleges this year. So wat's so special about it u mite ask? After all this is what almost majority of engg(atleast Indians) wish to do...But this is my story and so I have the right to indulge in slef description, haven't I? Till now I have lost on almost all but one opportunity. Even this one is bleak...But the issue is not that I didnot get thru, the point is that somehow all this have stripped me of so much that today, I only feel a sense of relief, and a sudden thrill has taken over me again to give it another try. This thrill feels nice, it gives me the vigour to carry on, to smile when I know for this year atleast, the doors to many have closed for me. And I feel funny Sometimes even failure boosts your confidence. Sounds crazy?? Well believe me this is what all this entrance exams have done to me...Life's alright. I know I shall soon get over even this sinking feeling ..I know life heals, even though it is the one that hurts. Till then, I let fate tickle me to laugh, smile ....and live.

"What has anyone done to deserve this.."....this question keeps haunting me every time I look at the injured, the dead in the recent bomb blasts in Mumbai. It could have been me, my loved ones who were there that day on that ill-fated trains. In a fraction of second, so many lives met their untimely and tragic ends..so many dreams broken...why? How can anyone jsutify their cause by killing innocent men, women and children....who have done nothing even remotely to incur their wrath. Whatever the reason might be behind these inhuman acts of terror, how can "men" of flesh and blood do this to one of their kin,,,to mankind...How can anyone forget that we are mortals, that death shall spare no one, however powerful he or she might be; and that to whatever religion we might belong; to whatever race we might beolong, we are all the same. Our lives are entwined ...that we cannot live in peace if we try to disrupt the web of life. The story of one man, one family, one community does not belong just to itself...By causing sorrow to another, no one can be ever happy, however inhuman, and unfeeling he might be towards others...because there is soemthing beyond the capability of humans and that is his own destiny which is carved by every thought he think, every deed he does...in this web of life.

"When the road you are trudging seems up the hill
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
Rest if you must but do not quit...."

me facing an all time low confidence....what a confession...So I am trying to remind myself of all such such good things which gives you hope of you being still capable of building a better tomorrow even after you have failed yourself today.Some people are born with it, but if you are not; forget them, and try to become one of the other breed--the ones who are not born with it but still acquire everything that they were not born with. Nice statement naa..actually inspired from a line read from somewhere..Anyways, these things help you a lot when you feel down in the dumps for not doing well in life, or for whatever other reason it might be.
Its a strange predicament, life actually is. But the best bet we all have is probably to give in our best and try to learn from the mistakes of our past, be good today and hope for the best tomorrow. Given the fact that we cannot will the future, this is perhaps the best way out, or maybe the only way that is there...

Ma..the first word almost all of us utter. How difficult it is to understand her, and how easy...Speaking of my mother, (I fought with her today...) she is the most emotional person I have ever met in my life. May be that is the way mother's are made...Probably that is how God makes a mother out of a woman...Well, I love my mother very much, but I know that I shall never be able to love her as much as loves me...maybe someday when I become a mother, I'll learn the way to love somebody so much as my mother loves me. But oh you should see her shout at me....but then when you think about it, you see her love behind i...and that is what pinches you when you grow old, you try to reason as to how someone can love another sooo much, and there you fail terribly because, reasoning someone's love for you can never lead you to a reasonable answer...What a pity!!But maybe the best way is to feel that love, love her for all the strange reasons that she loves you for, and revere God for that one wonderful relation in this world which is full of love, and nothing else....

Strange are the ways of life...You ask for something, you get it and yet you are depressed, depressed enough to know not what you are doing...And the next day ou have nothing yet you fell like the happiest person roaming on this earth. No wonder they say even if you have everything in life you might not have happiness. Well neways rt now have loads of studies to do..So these things can have a backseat..I have to move on ....to survive...

In the midst of my RF lecture today, I had a thought...I had just read a book on peepers so this all may be an aftermath of what I had read. I don't know why but I was trying to find out what was going on in the minds of other people. I looked at them, I concentrated on their faces, I tried to read them. But beyond what I already I know about them, and beyond what I have conjured of them from their past actions or behaviour or how they have projected themselves, I knew nothing about any of them. And I realised how totally dependent we were on the expressions of the physical self when it came to knowing others. Why could not I hear besides the "me" thinking hard and the "my"questioning mind, "my friend" sitting just next to me thinking...Is it because right from the day we gain consciousness we all concentrate on the word "me" rather than the word "us". I read somewhere that we actually experience pain when we see others being hurt .. it is some mimic neurons doing the trick or something but our other very inteligent part of the brain tells us that we are yet to sense any pain. Is this the reason why we turn a blind eye to the sorrow of other people, is this the reason why we cheat on others without caring about the hurt that we cause them, is this the reason why we fail to feel the pain of anyone not a part of my self...May be the answer lies beyond our capabilities, may be it is something we shall never be able to find...But then is the answer so important that we, deterred by the fact that we cannot find any answer to this do not even try to look beyond the obvious...that we do not even try to feel what the other person is feeling...


I know it is too much to ask of ourself to put others before ourself...but maybe it is reasonable enough for the shrewdest of us all to atleast think for the rest of the world other than "me" before doing something....

Easing the heart --- "your way"

There are times like this, when you are at a loss to understand yourself; there are times like this when you neither feel happy nor wronged, but you feel a pain, simple and harmless pain which leaves your mind crippled, incapable of thinking about anything but about the pain itself. I had once learnt that the best way to ease your heart is to pour your heart before somebody, or pen them down. I like the latter, not because I lack friends or dear ones who would listen but because I feel writing them on paper gives you an impartial approach. You know that you are not being judged and even if you falter with words, the humble paper and pen will never deny you a second chance. And after you are done you feel so much better because you did not even have to articulate your thoughts or give them a concrete form to express them.. ..writing is surely a blessing....

Myself

"Life is still a mystery.....
And each day a newer challenge..."